It's supposed to rain/sleet/snow later this afternoon. They sky isn't grey, it's white.. which used to make the niecerator *really* nervous when she was little. She'd look upwards and mutter "White sky.. white sky.." It really freaked her out. Note to self - ask her why.

White sky days like these take me back to a day that haunts me. I was about 23 years old and I'd been out on my own for a few years. It was a Saturday afternoon around 4:00 or so, and it was a "white sky" day. I was done with work (having worked a 7:30-3:30 shift that day), I was a little cranky and sad, and I knew that I'd be alone for a few more hours if I just went home.. so I decided to stop at my parents' house. It was one of those times when we weren't all-the-way estranged.. I got along with my dad just fine, and I tried to stay out of my mom's way.

I pulled into the driveway, went to the backdoor and discovered that the screen door was locked, so I had to knock. My mom opened the door and said, "Why are you here?" I answered, "I just thought I'd stop by."

Now, even though she was a little psychotic and mean, she still had *some* maternal instincts at that point. So she knew I was feeling a bit down in the dumps. She even said, "Are you having a hard day?"

I answered, "Yeah, I guess I am." To which she replied, "Well, you should have thought of that when you moved out of here," and then she slammed the door.

I stood there, stunned. Her reply didn't even make sense but hey, that was good ol' mom.

I sat on the steps for a minute and collected my thoughts. I realized that I just needed to be around *people*, and those people didn't necessarily have to be ones to whom I was biologically related. Then I got back in the car and drove to the library, and sat there a read for a couple of hours, and felt much better after I left.

It was one of those defining moments of life, one of the many that helped me realize that I was fine, and much healthier, really, as long as I stayed away from her. But in the moment it still stung. And that memory gets stirred up a little bit if I dwell on the fact that it's a "white sky" day.

** Post Script
After this happened, I didn't go home for about 6 months. I got a call from her a couple of days after her birthday in September: "Why don't you ever come home and see us anymore?"

.......


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And that's what it's like to be raised in craziness.